As I stare into my closet, trying to decide what I want to wear today, I suddenly became paranoid. Because I am still trying to introduce and present myself to the grad program. People are still getting to know me, my 12 year old fashion sense, and special brand of humor. And today I have my first African drama class. For the first time since junior high (first dates excluded), I worry about what my clothes say about me. Can't wear the cool deconstructed earth tone tank for fear it might suggest that I subliminally consider African drama piecey or primitive. But on the other end, wearing any of my 7 Shakespeare shirts seems to support the Dead White Man, the Coloniser. Skipped past the Lilith Fair t-shirt, but not because I am a closet women's studies girl (like one of the other new PhDs - which just seems to defeat the purpose).
And it happened yesterday too! I was running late for the first class in Cultural Studies in the Chicano/a Studies department. Apologized profusely and sat down. When asked to introduce myself, I used the more correct Spanish/French sounding pronunciation of my last name. Like it somehow gave me street-cred to be in the class when I was in Theatre-Dance. I was selling out, only in reverse!
A quick note about my last name. I generally use a more anglicanized pronunciation for 2 reasons. 1. Most people panic trying to say it correctly, and the short-i sound is just more familiar. 2. The short-i sound is more assonant with my first name. It just goes. And when people use the more ethnic pronunciation of my last name, my first name sounds out of place.
Now I am in a place where people are more likely to know how to pronounce my last name correctly. Which has me facing a dilemma - do I use the correct and also ethnic pronunciation because I can/should? Or do I continue introducing myself as I always have, because it's what I consider MY name?
In my graduate-school world of theory, analysis and hyper-awareness, I notice these things. I just have to remind myself of what our crusty Greek professor said to one of my classmates - "You worry about the dumbest things."
on Pandora: "My Own Good" - Louis
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
L.A. is crazy
Los Angeles is only 100 miles away from Santa Barbara, but it's like another planet.
Likewise, LA people consider 100 miles a nearly-insurmountable distance. When I was living in Charlottesville, I was used to driving 100 miles to get to Washington for all its city-amenities. In the past month, I have traveled thousands of miles. So 100 miles really seems pretty piddly to me. Then again, that was before I spent an hour looking for parking.
Met up with my former mentor and his friends. Cut through the Venice Arts Festival which I so need to spend more time at next year. Was introduced to friends of friends, who inevitably were famous. How L.A. We walked to the canals of Venice, plotted the purchase of one of the houses, then using the Toy to find the cars. It was a series of driving from one car to the next. M had to head to the theatre for call. Guy Smiley and his partner and I headed to the Museum of Jurassic Technology, while commenting on the insanity of car culture and humanity of LA.
The Museum was a cross between Wunderkammer and postmodern installation art with a healthy dose of WTF going on. The more you tried to think about it, the less it made sense. Just embrace it. Play Cat's Cradle with your teacher and look through the 3-D opera glasses and smile. It didn't help that I jumped into analyst mode, trying to apply what I learned in my museology class. Must go back.
Then we headed over to the Kirk Douglas Theater (yup, he was there) for opening night of This Beautiful City. Sort of the movie Saved meets the play Laramie Project with music. Interesting, but I'm not sure what the agenda really was. But from my complimentary seat up in the air, I had a great view of an equally confused audience.
I think the best way to sum up my experience is the Sad Tranny Clown Longs Drug at Rose & Main.
Likewise, LA people consider 100 miles a nearly-insurmountable distance. When I was living in Charlottesville, I was used to driving 100 miles to get to Washington for all its city-amenities. In the past month, I have traveled thousands of miles. So 100 miles really seems pretty piddly to me. Then again, that was before I spent an hour looking for parking.
Met up with my former mentor and his friends. Cut through the Venice Arts Festival which I so need to spend more time at next year. Was introduced to friends of friends, who inevitably were famous. How L.A. We walked to the canals of Venice, plotted the purchase of one of the houses, then using the Toy to find the cars. It was a series of driving from one car to the next. M had to head to the theatre for call. Guy Smiley and his partner and I headed to the Museum of Jurassic Technology, while commenting on the insanity of car culture and humanity of LA.
The Museum was a cross between Wunderkammer and postmodern installation art with a healthy dose of WTF going on. The more you tried to think about it, the less it made sense. Just embrace it. Play Cat's Cradle with your teacher and look through the 3-D opera glasses and smile. It didn't help that I jumped into analyst mode, trying to apply what I learned in my museology class. Must go back.
Then we headed over to the Kirk Douglas Theater (yup, he was there) for opening night of This Beautiful City. Sort of the movie Saved meets the play Laramie Project with music. Interesting, but I'm not sure what the agenda really was. But from my complimentary seat up in the air, I had a great view of an equally confused audience.
I think the best way to sum up my experience is the Sad Tranny Clown Longs Drug at Rose & Main.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Well-matched
Based on our instantaneous connection, I am convinced that SuperK and I must have known each other in a past life or something. Which is how I knew that we could live together. And our well-matched-ness continues to manifest in new ways.
We are slowly settling into life and the apartment. I am borrowing his bike until I find one of my own. We both hated the pedal cages, so I just busted out my tools and removed them. SuperK has much better taste than I, so he wanted an entertainment center for the TV/DVR/DVD/Wii, etc. And he saw that the back of the book case currently offered up might come off. I figured out how. I also mentioned how we could add more shelves. He has the taste, I have the tools.
The living room and kitchen look civilized, if without hanging art. (But SuperK did bring an awesome, mesmerizing clock). I have unpacked about a third of my books and need to put together more shelves. Instead, I think I will eat dinner and go out, lest I be really lame.
on the tube: House marathon
We are slowly settling into life and the apartment. I am borrowing his bike until I find one of my own. We both hated the pedal cages, so I just busted out my tools and removed them. SuperK has much better taste than I, so he wanted an entertainment center for the TV/DVR/DVD/Wii, etc. And he saw that the back of the book case currently offered up might come off. I figured out how. I also mentioned how we could add more shelves. He has the taste, I have the tools.
The living room and kitchen look civilized, if without hanging art. (But SuperK did bring an awesome, mesmerizing clock). I have unpacked about a third of my books and need to put together more shelves. Instead, I think I will eat dinner and go out, lest I be really lame.
on the tube: House marathon
Friday, September 26, 2008
Kidnapped
Today started fairly productive. Got an oil change (finally), ran a couple of errands. Then SuperK and I walked down to IV to try to get the packet for 270A, which STILL isn't ready. But when I crossed the street, my day changed. First, I found a wealth of used books, supplies, UCSB swag. Better variety and cheaper. I ended up with a sweet purse, two randomly cool books, an offsize notebook and my twintip for $11. And as I was walking around, I met two people from Chicano/a Studies. Suddenly, the 3 of us were running errands, playing Mystery Diagnosis and eating a late lunch at Chilis before a trip to another bookstore.
I didn't make it to the library or to the T&D offices, but I think it was a day well-spent. As my studies pull me further out of the real world, or even the library or my head, it's hard to meet people. And on the fly, I managed to meet two cool grads from a different department.
Actually, people in California are so friendly it is mildly disorienting. People chat in line, smile. Sometimes this is super-frustrating, because I just want to get my shit done. And it's hard to get mad when they are so pleasant. My current favorite - the undergrad boy who tried to scramble out of a chair in a computer lab - as he offered me a place to sit, like his lap. Fortunately, he pulled off "charming" rather than "sketchy."
I hope I get to enjoy more of these random meetings. I also hope I get to the library tomorrow.
I didn't make it to the library or to the T&D offices, but I think it was a day well-spent. As my studies pull me further out of the real world, or even the library or my head, it's hard to meet people. And on the fly, I managed to meet two cool grads from a different department.
Actually, people in California are so friendly it is mildly disorienting. People chat in line, smile. Sometimes this is super-frustrating, because I just want to get my shit done. And it's hard to get mad when they are so pleasant. My current favorite - the undergrad boy who tried to scramble out of a chair in a computer lab - as he offered me a place to sit, like his lap. Fortunately, he pulled off "charming" rather than "sketchy."
I hope I get to enjoy more of these random meetings. I also hope I get to the library tomorrow.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
the First Day of the Rest of Your Life
no pressure or anything.
Forgive me if I ramble, I am still processing information as I continue to receive new info. And fight not to fall to far behind.
Today, I finally started classes. The Classroom on/as Stage. Sizable seminar, but I finally got to see all of the first years in the same place, including Phantom Major. And meet the 2nd years. Offered teaching philosophies, which at this point in the game felt very immature. First, I haven't done alot of teaching. Second, as the assignment due on the first day of class, it was especially hard to gauge just what was expected. To say nothing of the deliberately vague nature. I opted for philosophical, but apparently the idea was to write a cover letter. The class has great potential to be really probing and insightful, but also to be a navel-gazy nightmare.
Did the meet-and-greet at a professor party, which was especially challenging as I am rapidly losing my voice. Although by the end of the evening, I was rocking a sultry baritone. I am still placing names and faces.
On one hand, this very much conforms to my expectations. It was very reassuring to sit in class and realise that I am very much on the right track. Academia is my native habitat. At the same time, there are so many curve or fly balls, that I find myself running/dodging and getting hit all the time. Like the fact that the tango specialist they got me all excited about won't be coming until next year. Or that my advisor won't be back in town until next week, by which point I need to register for classes. Or that I have an office (if no keys to unlock it).
Yesterday, I ran around for 7 hours doing orientation/set-up stuff. Sat in a big lecture hall from 9-10.30 hearing all about the resources available, most of which none of us will ever get a chance to use. 10.30-11.30 fighting with financial aid. They canceled my loan since they feel that the fellowship is enough to live on. I appreciate that someone is trying to keep me from drowning in student debt, but still. While generous, my fellowship doesn't allow for any margin of error. I can never get sick; the car can never die; and I had better never plan on ever seeing the business end of a plane again. Which means family emergencies AND conferences, which I have been told I need to fund myself to beef up the CV. I don't live luxuriously, but I almost fell out of the chair when the guy said that I should just get a credit card for a safety net. Pass the echinechea and duct tape please. After getting my fellowship check in one line, I then had to turn around and sign it over to the cashier to pay rent and fees. *sigh* This was rather demoralizing, which only made yet another workshop on "Be Your Own Advocate or Get Out Now". Fly by the activities fair before tours of the Arts Library (which DOESN'T have theater OR dance in it) and Davidson Library. Yanked books for a first assignment, walked by the health center to ask a question, only to discover that Californians call 3.30 quitting time. Got home long enough to check email before walking down to IV with SuperK to pick up a course packet that wasn't ready. It was exhausting.
But at least all the clothes are unpacked. I think I have contained most of the fires. Now I just have to take my poor neglected car for an overdue oil change, a quick check and a carwash. It makes me very excited at the prospect of just kicking back tomorrow night with SuperK, some take-away and his "research" (Season 1 of Heroes).
Forgive me if I ramble, I am still processing information as I continue to receive new info. And fight not to fall to far behind.
Today, I finally started classes. The Classroom on/as Stage. Sizable seminar, but I finally got to see all of the first years in the same place, including Phantom Major. And meet the 2nd years. Offered teaching philosophies, which at this point in the game felt very immature. First, I haven't done alot of teaching. Second, as the assignment due on the first day of class, it was especially hard to gauge just what was expected. To say nothing of the deliberately vague nature. I opted for philosophical, but apparently the idea was to write a cover letter. The class has great potential to be really probing and insightful, but also to be a navel-gazy nightmare.
Did the meet-and-greet at a professor party, which was especially challenging as I am rapidly losing my voice. Although by the end of the evening, I was rocking a sultry baritone. I am still placing names and faces.
On one hand, this very much conforms to my expectations. It was very reassuring to sit in class and realise that I am very much on the right track. Academia is my native habitat. At the same time, there are so many curve or fly balls, that I find myself running/dodging and getting hit all the time. Like the fact that the tango specialist they got me all excited about won't be coming until next year. Or that my advisor won't be back in town until next week, by which point I need to register for classes. Or that I have an office (if no keys to unlock it).
Yesterday, I ran around for 7 hours doing orientation/set-up stuff. Sat in a big lecture hall from 9-10.30 hearing all about the resources available, most of which none of us will ever get a chance to use. 10.30-11.30 fighting with financial aid. They canceled my loan since they feel that the fellowship is enough to live on. I appreciate that someone is trying to keep me from drowning in student debt, but still. While generous, my fellowship doesn't allow for any margin of error. I can never get sick; the car can never die; and I had better never plan on ever seeing the business end of a plane again. Which means family emergencies AND conferences, which I have been told I need to fund myself to beef up the CV. I don't live luxuriously, but I almost fell out of the chair when the guy said that I should just get a credit card for a safety net. Pass the echinechea and duct tape please. After getting my fellowship check in one line, I then had to turn around and sign it over to the cashier to pay rent and fees. *sigh* This was rather demoralizing, which only made yet another workshop on "Be Your Own Advocate or Get Out Now". Fly by the activities fair before tours of the Arts Library (which DOESN'T have theater OR dance in it) and Davidson Library. Yanked books for a first assignment, walked by the health center to ask a question, only to discover that Californians call 3.30 quitting time. Got home long enough to check email before walking down to IV with SuperK to pick up a course packet that wasn't ready. It was exhausting.
But at least all the clothes are unpacked. I think I have contained most of the fires. Now I just have to take my poor neglected car for an overdue oil change, a quick check and a carwash. It makes me very excited at the prospect of just kicking back tomorrow night with SuperK, some take-away and his "research" (Season 1 of Heroes).
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I see old people
To break up hours and days of driving, my mom and I are spending a couple of day in Sedona, AZ. It's absolutely spectacular, in a way that every time I see the red rocks I start giggling. Driving down the windy mountain road was a total blast since the speed limit was 15MPH for a reason. And about halfway down you get your first look. Not just amazing mountains, but color! Holy crap! Mom remains way less impressed than me.
Today was uber-leisurely. Spent some quality time by the pool reading my book. Sitting on the balcony reading my book. Generally avoiding the car. Although sitting by the pool was a little weird. Partially because I am the youngest by a lot. (It also makes the cutest person in a swimsuit). I am a grad student who can't afford to drink the time-share kool-aid. There are people from freakin' Phoenix who own multiple timeshares in Sedona, which is only an hour or so away. And all they can talk about is how great it is to time-share. I wonder if the time-share comes with matching tracksuits. That said, I can't knock it but so much, because the place we are staying is super-nice.
We drove up to the airport mesa to watch sunset. Which was pretty gorgeous and very close to moonrise. Tomorrow we do the Grand Canyon, and hopefully some other hiking on Tuesday. Ha! I make mom hike!
on iTunes: "Bad Education" - Tilly and the Wall
Friday, September 12, 2008
Cross-country recap
Tired and in need of some yoga+House. Here are the highlights:
Ultimate Jerky Outlet
Arkansas is just what you expected
Oklahoma sucks in a variety of ways. Especially in the crappy roads department.
Not enough dead (or alive) armadillos
Everything is bigger in Texas, including gas prices and the bugs.
but New Mexico is absolutely stunning
Ultimate Jerky Outlet
Arkansas is just what you expected
Oklahoma sucks in a variety of ways. Especially in the crappy roads department.
Not enough dead (or alive) armadillos
Everything is bigger in Texas, including gas prices and the bugs.
but New Mexico is absolutely stunning
Monday, September 08, 2008
Mopey bitch
Since I haven't figured out exactly what my attitude problem is, I have decided that the best course of action is to hole up in the basement, surrounded by the crap of mine that I have actually located. It's hard to get into a real groove when I keep realise that I have to find another box. It's all uninspiring.
I made a run to Total Wine, which has a bunch of individual beers. Including some interesting craft brews like He'brew - the Chosen beer, and some trippels. So now it's me, the TiVo and Oberon Ale. Oh yeah, lots of crap strewn about.
I made a run to Total Wine, which has a bunch of individual beers. Including some interesting craft brews like He'brew - the Chosen beer, and some trippels. So now it's me, the TiVo and Oberon Ale. Oh yeah, lots of crap strewn about.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Double mac
I compose now from my sexy new MacBook. I ordered it to arrive while I was in Europe, and last night, I finally got to bust it out. Smokin' Fairy helped me migrate my account, and now I am just playing with it. Yeah toys! This means that I get to clean off my old mac and make it Mom-Friendly. In the meantime, I feel supercool, having twin macs sitting side by side on the coffee table. And during the transfer, they were connected by Firewire, in something mildly evocative of 2 Fridas, only shinier.
I am back in Athens for a couple of days. Currently learning the fate of my car, tying up loose ends. Last night a bunch of my friends showed up at the Red Brick, which was great since a) I haven't seen them in months, and b) I won't see them again for a while. There were cheeseburgers and Monomoy horror stories. Personally, I felt like a slacker, since I just did office work and spent many quality hours on a couch. Oh, and fly to Europe for 2 weeks. (which I promise to blog about more).
So now I bum around town, waiting for word on my car. And sadly, I left my Donkey card at the house.
I am back in Athens for a couple of days. Currently learning the fate of my car, tying up loose ends. Last night a bunch of my friends showed up at the Red Brick, which was great since a) I haven't seen them in months, and b) I won't see them again for a while. There were cheeseburgers and Monomoy horror stories. Personally, I felt like a slacker, since I just did office work and spent many quality hours on a couch. Oh, and fly to Europe for 2 weeks. (which I promise to blog about more).
So now I bum around town, waiting for word on my car. And sadly, I left my Donkey card at the house.
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