Sleep study

This sleep study is definitely one of the strangest things I have ever done. I had more test anxiety about the evening sleep test than about my SATs.

This is how it works: Arrive at the study center at 8.30 (it’s about an hour away from Athens). Fill out paperwork. Then the tech spends an hour gluing 25 sensors all over me. Literally. I counted. And the glue is the consistency of Crisco, and all up in my hair and face. All of the sensors are plugged into this box I can wear around my neck. Basically, I look like Frankenstein’s monster in jammies, and I feel like a human bomb. Add this to the fact that I can’t wash my face, which feels like an oil slick, probably from hanging out with the Crisco glue.

So they shove this thing up my nose and turn out the lights and expect me to fall asleep at 11PM. Given that I am a vampire, I am just getting started. But I can’t sit up, or wear my glasses, which seriously limits my options. And despite getting all excited about being able to watch Mystery Diagnosis, they’re all repeats.

In case being put to bed at 11PM wasn’t rough enough, they woke up me up at 5.30AM. I don’t even remember the last time I woke up that early. Stayed up that late, perhaps. It didn’t help that I spent most of the night worrying about ungluing one of the electrodes, or gluing my face to the pillow, or strangling myself with my wires. Oh, and knowing that someone was watching me “sleep,” albeit remotely and infrared.

Day study: Every 2 hours they let you take a 30 minute nap. One paper, this sounds awesome. In reality, it blows. Partially because I am so disoriented from the odd sleep schedule and no windows. Partially because I don’t take catnaps—I take lion naps. And partially because by the time the nap rolls around I am either finally awake or so stupid sleepy that 30 minutes won’t do. Oh, and it’s always less than 30 minutes. Grr.

It’s super frustrating because the room is really small, and I am still hooked up to my circuit box. Making most physical activity kinda impossible. Like I tried a bit of yoga but nearly gave myself a face-concussion with the box. So I am pretty much limited to the bed for movies/TV/book. Except for the fact that my Pavlovian response to reading is sleep. And because I don’t have a table or different, non-sleep space to read, it is pretty much impossible. Did I mention the total lack of internet?! So much for getting work done. Because I look like a messy freak, I don’t want to walk around outside the little blue room. The sleep center is attached to the normal offices, and shares a bathroom. And nothing says socially-awkward like padding into the bathroom in your jammies with your doctor and a new patient walking by. And sharing a wall with a coffee maker is such a tease.

I had made this deal with myself that after this I got to go to Target (it’s the closest one to Athens), but looking and feeling as gross as I do, I think I will ask for a paper bag, cut eye-holes out, and dash to my car to drive back to my shower in Athens. On the plus side, I think I figured out how to pay for a Wii.