Spring quarter starts

I don't know if it's the warmer weather or what, but today I have been super motivated with the beginning of spring quarter. New classes, getting into a routine again, such as it is. I only have one officially scheduled class. Very open schedule to allow for my thesis, which is still giving me the willies.

Got up a little early, hit the library twice, crossed a bunch of stuff of my list. And I feel like really eating decent food and going to the gym. We'll see how long that lasts. Still plowing through my tango books. Nothing like procrastinating on my thesis by reading stuff for my thesis.

Reconvene at the Gator

There are two primary joys of spring break - leaving town/work for a few days to do something totally different or the same at a different pace, and the social reconvening the night before classes.

Last night, people were trickling back into town and gravitating to the Gator, which is our bar of choice. I didn't even realise how many people were there until I got there and saw the whole crowd. Everyone was excited to see people, had new things to talk about instead of rehashing old bitcheries, very relaxed. Somehow the drinks just tasted better, the jokes were funnier, and all was right in the world. There were lots of drinks, group shots, and plans to sell plasma to the vampires in a pyramid scheme.

Winter quarter is notoriously crappy and a thing to survive, so if people weren't glad to be back, they were at least glad it was no longer winter quarter. There's plenty of work to do this quarter, but more people want to play, and take dance lessons. Woo! In the meantime, I have two books to finish, a CFP to submit and a syllabus to develop. Ideally by tomorrow. *snerk*

on iTunes: "Yes Sir I Can Boogie" - Goldfrapp

Dogsitting

Technically, it's actually pet sitting, but Catface is so low-maintenance, I spend much more time with Bachus. He's part beagle, part lab, and part crazy. But fun.

I got back to Athens yesterday, just as Smokin' Fairy headed out, so I get to look in on the animals. Bachus is just such a perky, jumpy dog. Last night, we watched House (he sat on my lap, all 70lbs of him), then I worked on my drumming skills in Rockband. On the easiest songs and easiest setting, I am pretty good. He runs all over the yard, and is very good about responding when he is called.

Today, I got up at 7.30AM to let the dog out so he doesn't explode. Then this afternoon, after everyone had lunch, Bachus and I went for a ride. He loves the car and couldn't get more excited, sticking his nose through the cracked windows or sunroof, jumping around all over the car. Headed up to Stroud Run, which muchly reminds me of Walnut Creek in Charlottesville, only even further out. I have never been out there before, which was evidenced by the "scenic" route we took. I pretty much just gaged how close I was based on the pooch's excited panting in my ear. Unfortunately, there were a bunch of people to make sure I kept him on the leash. Which is a real trick, since Bachus darts and runs, usually at the same time. So I got some cardio and amused looks before realising I had clipped the leash to the wrong ring. But since he is a good crazy dog, he came right back to me.

I am so spoiled by the very mellow Arnie, who doesn't respond to his name, but also doesn't run. When we would go hiking, he insisted on being the leader, which was funny, especially when I would take the lead. It made me a bit homesick for my Cville life, but meanwhile, I have surrogate pets and the world's most comfy couch (my butt was so happy when I finally sat on it last night. Squishy!).

Fuerzabruta

Stunning, exhilarating, visceral, creative. Phenomenological!

I have been dying to see De La Guarda since I found out that they had created a brand new show. Well, actually, I have wanted to see De La Guarda since the last time I saw it, back in 2004 with Villa Villa. So on my blink-or-you'll-miss it trip up to New York, I had to see it.

And it was totally worth it! Even seeing the show by myself was a total blast, because so much of the show is about collectivity and audience participation. I would say that the theme is "Breaking through the Boundaries." Guy on treadmill bursting through a wall of boxes, watching people just pass him by. A confined "office" exploded as 6 people dance vitally. A giant circle of mylar with people on either side. Two girls running across a mylar curtain that only heightens the drama with the different colors in the lighting. And of course, the water ceiling. Holy crap! Watching these girls skitter and surf across the water above, interacting with each other and the audience. Culminating in a big jump-around dance party.

De La Guarda single-handedly made me understand Phenomenology, especially in terms of theatre. It plays with all of your senses and awareness, forces you to use your body and interact. Feeds on the collective energy. The lights are very saturated and bright, occasionally strobed. You hear not only the throbbing soundscape, but the sounds of the mylar, the breath and stomps of the dancers. You smell the fog as it surrounds you. You feel the water, the bass, the other bodies around you. And the water ceiling makes you feel as if you are underwater, which is a unique physical experience. The show takes place in so many dimensions, in front, behind, above, etc, maximizing on the space. It is impossible to be passive.

Not unlike Blue Man Group, which I saw on my last night in Chicago. Something I had been meaning to see for ages, since I know Blue Men. Total blast. It was proscenium, but funny, unexpected, and visually exciting. It made you totally reconsider paint, PVC pipe and marshmallows. They used audience members, violated expectations and used rolls of paper and black light. It was genuinely FUN. In the same way that I stood agape watching Fuerzabruta, jumping around and dancing in the rain, I left Blue Man chuckling and thinking.

I love theatre like this. I wish I was that creative. Instead, I can just encourage everyone with a pulse to see it. Old people, young people, non-theatre people - everyone was getting into it! And if anyone wants to go, I will totally see it again.

on iTunes: "Beautiful" - Goldfrapp

People in the city

This is me waiting as patiently as I can for the NYPL to fill a 15minute request that I put in an hour ago. This is me distracting myself from my obscenely growly stomach that might get the rest of me kicked out. (don't make me regret not bringing the power pack)

I don't know what is taking so damn long. Did they have to fire up the Delorean? Or call in the Ghostbusters? I might not mind if I was allowed to bring my book in to read. If I had known it was going to take so long, I would have put in the request before watching Tango Argentino. MERG!

It's fun to be back in a real city, although as much as I like New York, I will always love Chicago more. It's been a few years since I've been here. Kicking into city-mode. All black, walk with purpose, don't linger in front of maps or chain restaurants. But as I stood on the subway platform, I discovered I left my ear buds in my car in VA. For some reason, riding public transit without my iPod makes me feel very vulnerable. And without a cell phone, I would feel naked. And I'm not sure when or why that happened.

Waiting for the train

This little NY adventure involved getting up at 6.30AM to catch a ride to the train station with my uncle. But the first train I could get doesn't leave till 9.35AM. So I sip my scalding coffee and enjoy the internet.

I don't even remember the last time I had to get up that early. Maybe when I was working in Chicago? All I know is that it is dark, and having two kitties on the couch with me made it all the more unpleasant to get up. That was nice though. In the middle of the night, after letting Jack out, I felt little paws on me, then I felt something warm against my thigh. Belle had curled up against me. And every time I moved, she just re-cuddled. It was great. And since Pandora had no one to play with, she slept by my feet. It only confirms how much I want to live with kitties.

Staying behind in NJ meant I didn't have to ride in the van with my dad driving, which is usually a pretty dicey proposition. Sitting in the van, with him blazing across lanes, I just turn back into a surly 17 year old again.

Another train bummer - 30th Street station has a Ben & Jerry's with 3 new flavors (all of which sound amazing), but for obvious breakfast-oriented reasons, it isn't open yet. Because unlike all the grownups, I would totally order a 3 scoop sundae for 1st meal.

Easter with the fam

For years and years, Easter was a major production. It involved new dresses, hats, an egg hunt (or stealthily hiding them), gnawing on Redstone bunnies, and permission to eat as much junk food as you wanted, because it was Easter. When you are 7, this is the shiznitz. Many moons later, things have changed.

It was family uniform to wear black pants and festive shirt. Last night we still dyed eggs and decorated cookies, but now the eggs are crazy colored with the occasional snark scrawled in wax. Found out that a couple Easters ago, the Fashionista ran over the Easter bunny. Well, a bunny, on Easter. The St. Joseph statue in Mom's garden has been decapitated, and I got really excited by coffee and soy crisps in my Easter bag (no more baskets).

The big transition bummer - no Cadbury eggs, which I look forward to for the whole year. Maybe in addition to the cheesesteak I want to pack for dinner (never been a fan of the Easter ham), I can swing by the CVS and pick up some eggs.

Train wreck

It should really be the name of our little rockband. Well, at least when I play the drums.

Smokin' Fairy finally procured Rock Band, which has been the agenda since it was generally agreed that Guitar Hero 3 was meh. And to celebrate Spring Break and the fact that none of us had a Damoclean deadline, we busted out the Rockband. Smokin' Fairy is a video game pro, so he was rockin' pretty hard. I do decently on guitar after months of GH, but I am absolutely, comically pathetic at drums. Like, impressively bad. Somehow, you put me in front of the little drum pads with sticks and I lose all musicality and physical coordination. This became a prime source of entertainment for everyone else as I threatened to smack them with drumsticks. But since my Little had similar issues, we made a rocking MA team, with me on kick and crash, and her on the actual drums. How many dramaturgs does it take you ask? Shut it, says I.

I got a little practice time in before migrating to G.Style's house for Lost. Then got a call from my "little" who was still in town, to our surprise, and wanted to hang out. There was some coordinating of pickups and packups, and then we all rocked out till like 3AM. Blessing or curse, the microphone wouldn't work, but we had the drums, and two guitars, which Smokin' Fairy described as the Fisher Price rock set. Or the set up for a band of midgets. Or Mini-Kiss! The Rockband playlist is awesome, and possibly superior to GH. Although that might be because I have nearly all of the RB songs on my iPod, and had to download alot of GH. (Although "Elephant Bones" and "Who Was In My Room Last Night" were happy discoveries.)

Now I lust after an Xbox.

Starting spring break

What a lovely feeling to wake up at noon and not feel guilty. To realise that nothing MUST get done today. Other than Rockband and Martini Night.

It's pretty nice, if still nippy out, so Smokin' Fairy and I walked to the dining hall to burn more of my meal plan. Great in theory, less great in reality. But their dining halls are way swank compared to the UC or Marketplace.

I think I will finish the tango book that Visual Bookshelf is hassling me about, maybe pick up some fiction, make travel arrangements, finish my SAMLA abstract and pack dirty laundry by dumping it through my sunroof. Or maybe I will sit on my butt and watch Firefly. Last night, I got to go out and see Be Kind Rewind and be generally social! Ah, choices.
Meanwhile, Chicagoist's list of "how do you know it's spring" amuses me, mostly with its accuracy.

Coffee shop hoppin'

In the death throes of winter quarter, I am seeking inspiration in new spaces and variations on the theme of caffeine. My apartment is littered with half-drunk cups of coffee, socks, and random refuse from junk food. But I am not really getting any work done at home. The couch is an evil seducer. It knows my weaknesses and preys upon them. (I refrain from assuming gender, which Kallisti made fun of me for, but mostly because I think it's up to the couch to decide how he/she participates in the gender spectrum.)

Currently, I am packing up to leave Perks, having finished a sexy smoothie. It's a little more polished than some of the other coffee shops. And it has like some of my favorite music on its rotation. Beta Band, Portishead. Stuff I loved a few years ago. But they close at 9. So I will be meeting people up at Donkey, where hopefully I will be able to just finish this paper. The first 5 pages came pretty readily. It's the current 5 that just aren't happening. I need to kick inspiration into overdrive.

Donkey has a distinctly different feel. And smell apparently. The stale smell of coffee, the rain, students who are wearing the same sweats for days. But it's hippie and homey. When I was wrestling with my absurdism paper, a trip to Donkey seemed to kick things back into gear so that I was able to finish. Here's hoping the same thing happens this quarter. How fabulous is it that for the week of finals, Donkey stays open 24hours!

Also fabulous: no damn Starbucks.

Ending the quarter

Nothing like tying up loose ends before escaping town for a few days.

• met with a playwright to discuss his work over coffee. fun, but it tapped into a style of analysis I really haven't used in a while. And I'm so busy deconstructing, I sometimes forget how to interact and process like a normal person.
• met with my advisor about teaching next quarter and my thesis. He seems very confident, and it's good that someone is.
• dinner at the dining hall with Smokin' Fairy. It sucks alot less when there is someone else. Although the temptation to eat crap is pretty high.
• sat in on Dali rehearsal before driving my "lil sis" home.
• working on grades, which is mildly depressing. At least I get to make it pretty in my spreadsheet.
• trying to remember where I stashed the Bullshit, because I have writing to get done.
  

How very high school

To say the least, I am very excited to finally be done with this film class and professor. I managed to restrain my comments on the evaluation to one notebook page, single-spaced, featuring the phrases "waste of my time", "difference between culturally-significant and personal taste", "not as advertised", "treated like high schoolers".

This last one really kicked in again today as I finished writing my final paper. Admittedly, I get to write about Priscilla Queen of the Desert, which is one of my favorite films. And I applied some queer theory to it. But the fact that I made a strong, substantiated, non-fluffed argument in 5.5 pages instead of 6-8 meant that I had to resort to high school tactics. Suddenly, I am playing with fonts and margins, filling paragraphs with extraneous adjectives and plot description. I have had to do this kind of crap since I was a sophomore in high school. It's just really frustrating, because with just about any other professor, especially at the graduate level, I am able to write something strong, succinct and just believe in the integrity of my writing instead of trying to cater to some checklist of how many sources, what font point size and margin maximums. Really, it's just insulting. Oh well, that's done, and now I can focus on much greater things.
on the tube: Cubs and Sox in pre-season

Variable Theremin Collaborative

(not me, because she was way graceful/cool)

How cool is this - I just "played" a theremin! By play, I mostly mean flail around a stage, but still cool.

Theremin: instrument with 2 antennae that react to movement. One antenna controls pitch; the other volume. And you play it without touching it.

But wait - there's more! It gets even cooler! This is an e-theremin! Developed by The Variable Theremin Collaborative, which is funded through Arts for Ohio in cooperation with the @Lab (which is chock full of cool tech toys and sexy computers). I have a rough idea how it works. There are two cameras to capture movement. The motion is put into a computer, multiplied and turned into mHz. Half of the stage is pitch, the other volume. But with two moving bodies, the computer regularly gets "confused" and averages the movement into a new sound.

Add to this a percussionist, a cellist, a violinist and a sound mixer.

It's this crazy synergistic loop! The dancers generate movement, which generates sound in the theremin. The musicians improvise based on the theremin and/or the dancers. Visuals are projected, generated from a feedback loop. And when the exterminate all the bugs, there will be a motion capture body suit involved! It's the ultimate in multimedia interaction.

(playing in the @Lab)

When it was my turn, I was up with an older guy who moved subtly. As I am very much not a dance soloist, I tried to react to him or the music (this is why I do ballroom - I am never the only person up there making an ass of myself). It begs to be played with/by contact improv-ers. When I watched the other people, including the trained dancers, I was much more interested when they interacted with each other or the music than in their own zone. I mean, all by itself, it was a cool dance performance. The music was a little crazy, but since I knew why, it was OK. And it was hugely apparently who was the senior dancer, since she was so much freer in her body, and had a much larger movement vocabulary. But junior girl gets points for pinch-hitting when the original dancer didn't show.

on Pandora: "That's the Way We Get By" - Spoon

Grad decisions

Oh the hilarity. Oh the irony. On the day that I mail my official documents to UCSB and Wisconsin, I get a letter from Oregon.

1. UCSB: Accept! I will be living at the beach for 5 years working with people who have an academic crush on me. I will be subsidized, since I was awarded the Regent Special Fellowship. woo!
   
2. Wisconsin: Decline. One of the best programs in the country, great and structured, but not as excited about my research. But I did receive a great fellowship and funding package.
3. Oregon: Wait listed? This was my safety school, not exactly on the mainstream radar of theatre or PhD, and they only waitlisted me. I laughed out loud.

I love that I had such great options to choose from, and that it is done. Now I just have to finish this quarter, write my thesis, finding something to do for the summer, then get rid of anything that doesn't fit in the Civic which me and mom will be driving across the wonderland that is Oklahoma.

MA Mischief

To celebrate our mentor's birthday, we 2 MAs decided to make a little bit of an event of it.

Last week, we all were forced to read Miss Julie by August Strindberg. It's a hateful play by a hateful man. But this was mitigated by the wonderful little webtoon - Strindberg and Helium. Grim, dour bearded Strindberg ponders the miseries of life accompanied by cheery, floaty, pink Helium. So I asked Smokin' Fairy to hook me in to the Baker sound system. After the quiz, she headed backstage, and I dashed to the soundbooth to play Helium. He was a couple flavors of confused; the class thought it was hiliarious. And then he turned around to find one of his MAs holding a bunch of pink balloons. Hee. And for our private Theory class, we had tiramisu.


It was fun to plan a little mischief, tapping into some of our more theatre-like talents. It was funny, because I got to the theatre and realised that I was wearing my blacks. It was also nice to do something fun for him, because he is such a great mentor and person.

Now I try to get excited about reading Deleuze and Guattari.

Pets by proxy

I love animals, but I have never actually have had pets of my own. Dustbunny and Scat were technically Cheese Fiend's, but having lived with them for so long, complete with feeding, cleaning up cat barf, and sharing the bed with them, I feel like they are my girls, too. I miss my crazy ninis, who I haven't seen since I moved away from Charlottesville. While in Charlottesville, I also had a dog by proxy, who I still get to see occasionally.

Since moving to Athens, I have other pets by proxy, even though I don't live with them. There is a feisty black dog, Fern, who lives in my building. It's nice to come home and be able to say hi to the dog while I dig for my keys.

Then there's Baccus and Catface, who belong to Smokin' Fairy. It's nice to go over there and play with animals. Catface kinda looks like Dustbunny, without the crazy. And Baccus is just nuts. There is another dog, Molly, who just looks so put upon. And when I helped Smokin' Fairy take Baccus to the vet, I feel like I was officially a pet-owner by proxy. He's ok. Had doggie pink-eye. But it was good that there were two of us, since he is so "friendly", you need one person to fill out forms and one person to wrestle with the pooch who just wanted to say hi to the little terriers and puppies and the severely anti-social Bull Mastiff. After an impressively quick appointment, we took the backroads, and I shared the front seat with him.

I can't wait to get my own animals. I am waiting till I make my next move, because the idea of sticking cats in a box for some hellishly long car ride, or trying to find someone to fly with them.

watching Mystery Diagnosis

PJ Productive

Perfect weather to hole up inside in PJs and just get shit done. It's snowing and blowing. There is a baklava of ice/snow/crap/repeat on all surfaces. But my apartment has a space heater, my squishy-addictive bed, and piles of things to be read, cleaned, sorted, etc.

Because I know better than to go outside. Walking home from the Gator was treacherous enough last night. Made some friends as the wiser of us opted to just walk on the street instead of sliding down the sidewalk. This made so much more sense: the streets are less trafficked than the sidewalks at that hour; since they are darker and warmer from the cars that HAVE driven on them, they haven't been as icy; as roads, they are more likely to be treated than sidewalks in front of frat houses. Oh, and the added bonus of not breaking your butt or going undergrad bowling (a bunch of staggering undergrads skidding down the hill on needs one person to slip and crash into all of them - STRIKE!) Also entertaining, the girls in capris and peep-toed stilettos. These girls have enough problems under the best of conditions (getting a heel caught in the cobblestone is hilarious for all the rest of us).

And I got home about 5 minutes before it started thunder-sleeting. Although it was a bummer to leave the scene early (there was much hilarity involving next year's Halloween costumes, a suddenly-appearing Mariachi band as emphasis, and other such).

on iTunes: "Beautiful Day" - the Eels

Worst of all worlds

It is totally disgusting outside. I am not sure how to describe the precipitation. It's wet like rain, cold, and painful like sleet, but coming down in big chunks like snow. All of the worst parts of what can come out of the sky short of frogs.

But it is excellent weather to hole up in a coffee shop and get postmodern. Which is a concept I think I actually get. Maybe because it is a lived condition rather than theory. Or because Facebook is such a great example of it. Or because it taps into my favorite modern art (or is it postmodern - like Dada?) Or maybe because I downed half of my dirty chai in like 10 minutes.

OK. Now I have to write a bunch of emails about teaching, work on my prospectus and write thank you notes. Thankfully, all of this can be done within the confines of my apartment, in my jammies, under the covers and parked next to the space heater.

Santa Barbara winds

When I finally got back to my apartment and crawled into bed, the thought running through my head was, "Well that was weird."

The short version: I was scheduled to be in Santa Barbara for 36 hours, 15 of which I spent doing UCSB crazies. All in all, it went very well, but I was/am totally wiped out.

The considerably longer version: Friday was the longest leap day ever, and not just because I gained 3 hours. Got up to team-teach the 271 class. It was fun talking about dramaturgy and our experience, being as laid back as we wanted. Sadly, when I got home, I realised I delivered that whole lecture with my fly down. *sigh*

But I couldn't dwell on that since time was at a premium. I had to juggle packing (no fashion panic allowed), with prepping my lecture and finishing my film paper. However, it did give me an excuse to skip the Spring lunchbag. Got to bust out my new rolly suitcase.

Drove to Columbus, which is like an hour an a half away. Unpacked my laptop to discover that I had totally forgotten to pack my power cord. Doh! I finished my paper, which I was happy to be done with. I HATE that class. Emailed it to Smokin' Fairy and got on the plane. Sat next to a very skinny Mormon who seemed to take up alot of my seat. I munched on my puppy chow and listened to the iPod. Turbulence was so crazy, it actually woke me up from my plane nap. Took a puddle jumper from Phoenix to SBA. It was really frustrating trying to find non-meat airport food, but I did find a bean burrito. Got into a breezy Santa Barbara around 9.30, waited for the shuttle and read my cyborg theory. Stayed up till midnight prepping my presentation.

My vampire hours helped me out with my CA schedule. But nothing could really help with the non-stop schedule. Didn't even get a chance to down my coffee or grab a muffin since there were already UCSB people waiting in the lobby. There were several rounds of introductions, divided into two cars, where I managed to spill my coffee all over the grad students new robot car.

Mini-conference: really interesting. Got to hear a variety of different topics from different people (current and prospective grads, faculty, etc). My tango presentation went over really well. Not hardcore academic, but engaging and fun. Especially after a super-dull presentation just before me. Got some great feedback which has me rethinking parts of my thesis (in a good way).

The scenery: OK. We had lunch by the lagoon. Yup, I said lagoon. It was beautiful, sunny. It is very hard to be schmoozed by faculty and still eat a sandwich at the same time. Didn't really get a chance to talk to some of the current grads to get the scoop. After the mini-conference, we all were toured around campus, but is beautiful and conveniently laid out. Saw my first coral tree, and had a chance to talk to the other prospectives. We split up again to drive around Santa Barbara (and get some caffeine), which Superguy, my new UCSB BFF, ordered with all of his Starbucks expertise.

There was another little reception, with awesome food and fresh pineapple. More chatting. Then Idiot's Delight, which was pretty, if plotless. We were taken back to the hotel around 11PM, and the lot of us did some debriefing in the lobby.

It is so weird to be courted, instead of trying to sell myself to them. I have decided that one guy needs to not come so that Superguy can. I liked UCSB very much, and it has alot to offer. But so does Wisconsin. I'm not really ready to make a decision, but how wonderful to have such a great decision to make.

watchin' some SVU

Talkin' 'Turgy

Drive dramaturgy

Lobby displays. They always take longer than you expect. There are always extra trips to Kinkos and CVS. But in the end, they usually look really cool. Such is the life of a dramaturge. And tomorrow we get to deliver a lecture about the joys and wonders of being a dramaturge. Actually, as of tonight, my dramaturging work for OU is done. I did Macbett last quarter, Spring Awakening last week and How I Learned to Drive this week. All very different shows, with different directors and interesting products. All I can say is that I love the Kinkos paper cutter and my handy jar of rubber cement.

One of the Spring cases

Treats

The following things have made my day:

• the puppy chow I made to take to Cali.
• showering until the hot water runs out to loosen up tight muscles (no amount of stretching can hit the spot like a hot shower)
  
• Tim Gun wearing a leather jacket
• Blowing off film class
• and this picture, which is hot (if blurry)
• 

Now I need to take advantage of no classes tomorrow and my penchant vampire hours to finish my film paper, do more rewrites on my presentation, and be generally productive. Maybe some more 2AM yoga.

Hot property

It's so weird when it happens. And I love it.

When I got home from Theory (ah Materialists), I was greeted by two emails, one right on top of the other. Both were titled "Good news" which at first made me think it was just accidentally sent. Nope. Two different sources had "good news" for me. I opened the one that arrived most recently, from Wisconsin. I have been awarded the UW Recruitment Fellowship, which involves tuition+fees+insurance+a very generous stipend (especially for Madison). Additionally, I was awarded the Vilas Admission Award of $600 for moving expenses! Dude!

Then I opened the next email in queue, this one from UCSB. The multidisciplinary committee has named me a UCSB Regent Special Fellow, which involves a 5-year package. The first two years involve a nice stipend and insurance (and presumably tuition+fees); the next three have a guaranteed TA-ship. And if I have done the math correctly, it would be enough to live in Santa Barbara. Yikes!

I have options! Very attractive options, in fact.

I have visited Wisconsin, met people, and I really like their program. I will be heading out to see UCSB this weekend, which should give me a better idea of the "vibe." The idea that in a week, I could potentially make a decision kinda blows me away.

on iTunes: new Goldfrapp

Damn jealous

I want to be Saoirse Ronan right now. She is only like 13 and she gets to sit in a gorgeous gown next to the extremely hot James McAvoy. Who not only is hot, he has an accent.

OK. I really am doing work.

Quality couch time

By Friday, I am usually pretty wiped. It generally involves a pre-fives nap and then I'm good. This Friday, I got home at 5.30 and pretty much did not get off the couch for 24 hours except to go to the bathroom and make a bowl of cereal.

After teaching on Friday, I spent the better part of the day running around trying to finish the Spring Awakening display, which involved not only the dramaturgical display, but also 20 huge production photos (and bios). Just trying to make it fit, let alone, making it look good was quite a challenge. In the end, I was very pleased with the result. I would be even more pleased if anyone actually looked at it.

Skipped the opening and a dance concert and Gator in favor of the couch. Smoking Fairy came over and we watched TV. I lounged. I finally watched Motorcycle Diaries. Started catching up on sleep. It was horribly indulgent, but so nice.

Now I have to get back to work. Finished composing my lecture (sitting on the couch), dragged my butt off to do some dishes and laundry. Now I just have to read Materialist theory and completely revamp my presentation for my mini-conference on Saturday. At UCSB. But no pressure or anything. I just keep reminding me that they can't UN-accept me.

Snow sounds

Usually snow means quiet. Sleet means a snare-like patter.

Tonight snow was noisier. Like the sound of tires and engines trying to crawl up a snow-covered road that still hadn't been plowed after 4" in as many hours. Or the sound of drunk undergrads sledding down Jeff Hill. (Ha. If I didn't have a pile of work or holes in my boots, I would be sledding down my super-secret hill. It requires as much steering, but a lot less people/moving targets.) It is also the sound of my whiny minion trying to mooch a ride home so she wouldn't have to walk.

Today, I cleared off my car to do the laundry that should have gotten done two days ago (the car has since been covered all over again - you can't even tell it was clear and moving 6 hours ago). All I can say is that it is clean. It is still in piles in my bedroom to be reckoned with. Of course I didn't get as much as I had hoped done. Still need to finish the Spring display, ideally without putting pushpins through peoples' eyes. Tonight, I am camped out to work on my lecture for Monday. And that's just the stuff that is (over)due.

on Pandora: "Passing the Heat" - Cold War Kids

Deep-fried, bacon-wrapped Panda

In case just eating Chinese or Japanese food at China Panda wasn't sufficient, there is discussion of the wonders of taking carnivore to new heights.

The argument: It would be interesting.
The downside: Endangered, would involve hunting in the forests of China, no one would ever speak to you again besides other sickos who thought it was cool.
The quandry: Cows would be extinct if they weren't so tasty. Does that mean that pandas are endangered because they aren't tasty, or because they are tasty, but no one talks about it?
Corollary: How does mistreatment of cows lead to massive beef recall? I mean, were the farmers talking smack about the cows' moms or something? Does excessive stress of being a cow taint the beef? Can you waterboard a cow? How fast will PETA beat me up for asking these questions? What happened to "happy cows come from California"?
(the whole wisconsin blizzard cows moving to california seems to be a rather relevant commercial to me of late.)
Solution: just about anything deep-fried and/or wrapped in bacon is tasty, ergo, bring on the panda.

There was also some discussion about the color of panda skin (tiger skin is striped, but polar bear skin is black), but since I prefer my chickens skinless, I don't think it's much of an issue. Oh, and the whole part about never actually being within 5' of a panda, at least not without a thick helping of plexiglass.

These are the weird things that become acceptable dinner conversation when everyone has either been locked in a dark theatre for 24 hours this weekend or locked in a death-match with the Judith Butler book till I got a break, which meant writing a paper. I think we need to get out more. And probably become vegetarians.

Me and the Sandman need to have a chat

Yes, that timestamp is correct. It is 5.30AM. Dammit.

So I have been dealing with crazy fatigue for ages now, especially recently. It's like I can't keep my eyes open or my mind focused for any length of time. I have spent alot of time supine. I feel like I am barely getting any work done.

Now, for the second night/day in a row, I have been fully awake past 5AM. What the hell? Last night I was wrestling with Judith Butler, who I still don't understand, but at least I can say I read it. Tonight, I composed a super rough draft of a tango presentation. I am awake, but not super motivated to continue doing work, since I haven't even let myself leave the house because I had Sunday deadlines. So on one hand, I want to take advantage and get some work done, but the rest of me is worked-out. And if I start reading, I will probably just fall asleep, which only enforces my already well-entrenched Pavlovian response. I should just go to bed, but what is the point since I am not sleepy. Grr.

I am also hungry, but 5.30AM is not exactly prime eating hour. I don't feel like cooking; I'm out of cereal; and Athens is a Cinderella town. And really, at this hour, healthy food just isn't appetizing. It would have to be something awful, fattening and damn tasty. (I'm thinking fried breakfast food, or pie, or fries - something you can get at a greasy spoon. Or the taqueria by Kallisti's, which while open is also about 8 hours away, at which point my food options will have expanded considerably). Merf.

The tango paper kinda got me fired up. I love my topic, and I love all the directions I can take it. I pretty much burped out 7 pages of text off the top of my head. Dude! That said, it's hard to streamline. And that 7 pages represents most of the tango info I own readily. Which makes the prospect of writing a detailed, analytical thesis way daunting. 7 pages was easy, but 7 times 7 pages will be a fight, since I feel like I have made the major thrust of my argument already.

Ruffling my green & gold feathers

My inbox has of late been flooded with different emails generated from Williamsburg regarding the resignation of current President of the College of William and Mary. They trouble me. And the more I read from Williamsburg and even outside, the more troubled I become.

I won't even try to give a chronology of events, because it's difficult to find any account that isn't colored by one side or the other. So instead, here is what troubles me specifically, but in no particular order.

1. UCAB - the student programming group tried to bring a touring show - The Sex Workers Art Show - to the College. As many as 20 student groups joined in to host. The idea was to use art to dialogue about the practice of prostitution. Since I haven't seen the show, I can't say what it looks like. But the BOV and some administrators sought to either prevent or severely censor it because it involved sexuality. So students were prevented from spending their own money on something they wanted. A violation of First Amendment rights.
   
2. Censorship in general, but especially of art, scares the bejezus out of me. Art is a personal expression of reality. It can be a commentary. Theatre (including performance art) takes a point of view. The idea is to make people think, as well as be aesthetically affected. As an artist, I take responsibility for my own agenda, but also for my opportunity to have one. To me, this is right up there with book burning.
3. As an academic, I appreciate that academia is an environment for learning, experimentation. A safe place for discourse. But this action effectively politicizes and poisons the environment, because it limits discourse.
4. The BOV and the Virginia House of Delegates have used this to target William and Mary, and its funding. Even though this very same show has been hosted at other public universities in the Commonwealth. Why is William and Mary being targeted?
5. The President of the College was told that his contract would not be renewed at the end of the year, so he resigned. Given the timing, and the fact that he advocated other controversial events (Wren Cross), I can't help but see this as ideological. He was offered hush money by the Commonwealth to not speak candidly about this. Yikes!

• a subset to this: many students and faculty have staged protests. But faculty were told explicitly that if they participated in any kind of strike that they would be terminated!
• my spin on the Wren Cross - the beauty of the Wren Chapel isn't specifically it's religiosity as much as its wood paneled history and quiet. To which anyone should feel welcome. It's not like he destroyed the cross, he just said that groups could request for it to be displayed or not based on their event.
  

I need to start writing letters. But I thought I would practice here first.

Call me a blazing liberal artist, but, to quote Grey's Anatomy, "SERIOUSLY?!"

Hark (loudly) upon the gale (of political interference)!

on Pandora: "Falter" - Heather Derby

Hee hee

Yesterday, about the most exciting thing that happened to me yesterday was looking at pictures of the very first Beagle to win at Westminster. Uno is such a cutie, I love me some beagles, and I love that it wasn't another damn poodle. Other than that, I dealt with a crappy email from a director, and a surprisingly GOOD and interesting film class. Probably because the regular guy wasn't teaching and didn't pick out the film.

(from www.dentonrc.com)

Today, I have been wrestling with the tautologies of Judith Butler. I'm sure there is something brilliant in there, but I just haven't really found it. And when I need to take a break from the theory, I research my trip to Santa Barbara. Yeah California!! All while munching on baked yummies from the Domestic God and my sister.

My weird jollies

Don't ask why I take such delight. And don't judge.

1. Why am I kinda excited about getting a chest x-ray? I mean, I've never had one done before, but I think it will be cool. They are checking for abnormalities in my lymph nodes since apparently I had mono at one point and maybe it's back.
2. I diagnosed hemachromatosis in the first 2 symptoms. I'm so cool. I wonder if I could write about the impact of disease/epidemic on theatre....
3. I love driving in the snow. Had to run to the Kro because I was out of milk and discovered that it was snowing. I deliberately took the side streets because they weren't cleared yet! And was annoyed to see the plow/salt truck. But that is also tied to my sense that some people are snow-wusses and salinization disturbs me.
4. While I generally don't like cold, blustery weather, it makes me feel oddly homesick for Chicago. It also gives me a chance to show off my mad layering skills and how NOT to get blown into a car.

Now if I could get the fridge to stop doing the death-rattle, I'd be an extra happy camper.

Deconstructing the Patriarchy

This quarter, I have been reading alot of theory for various classes. Fortunately, these only complement each other. This week in Theatre Theory, we got to read Feminist/Queer Theory, which rolls nicely into my performativity readings for my Body class, one of which I posted. It turns out the the author of that piece, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, was one of my mentor's mentors! And he affirms that she is just as amazing as I suspected.

While I know very little formal theory, I feel that I have been exposed to feminist and queer theory, which made today's discussion fun. And even better than my dapplings is the fact that my mentor's area of expertise is Queer Theory! We have already tentatively made plans to continue the conversation, which was lively, energized and all over the map. More than the other theories, gender theories inform or can be seen everywhere, from heterosexual relationships to videogames.

Personally, I love the idea of "queer" as the non-normative. Which my brain reduced to seventh grade, where no matter who you were, you felt out of place somehow, trying to "fit in" or to "be normal". "Normal" is an enforceable fantasy, and queer is more inclusive, not limited to a narrow concept of sexuality, but general experience of the world, which is patriarchical. And more than anything it seems that gender theories are more interested in creating an awareness of how we participate in society, regardless of its structure. Are we complicit? Do we play roles? How do we generate identity?

This is what I love about grad school - feeling your brain expand or explode as it tries to absorb new ideas. Or even more exciting, how those new ideas change perceptions of old ones.

Another epiphany - if the whole teaching/PhD thing doesn't work out, I could be a dramaturg on medical shows, which blend some of my favorite things - geeky research, practical application and medicine/disease. And to celebrate/corroborate, there is a Mystery Diagnosis marathon on tonight!

sorry no photos. While very stimulating, things of late haven't been exactly photogenic.

on iTunes: Radio Tango Argentino

Academia makes me laugh

From an article questioning JL Austin's concept of language as performance:

"To begin with, while 'I dare you' ostensibly involves only a singular first and a singular second person, it effectually depends as well on the tacit requisition of a third person plural, a 'they' of witness - whether or not literally present. In daring you to perform some foolhardy act (or else expose yourself as, shall we say, a wuss, 'I' (hypothetical singular) necessarily invoke a consensus of the eyes of others. It is these eyes through which you risk being seen as a wuss; by the same token, it is as people who share with me a contempt for wussiness that these others are interpellated, with or without their consent, by the act I have peformed in daring you.

'Now, these people, supposing them real and present, may or may not in fact have any interest in sanctioning against wussiness. They might, indeed themselves be wussy and proud of it. They may wish to actively oppose a social order based on contempt for wussitude. They may simply, for one reason or another, not identify with my contempt for wusses. Alternatively they may be skeptical of my own standing in the ongoing war on wussiness..."

Parker, Andrew and Eve Kesofsky Sedgwick. Performativity and Performance. Routledge: New York.

I love academics like this. The same authors earlier expressed a subtle contempt for Derrida who I loathe. And at the same time mix in a touch of the "Meow" game from Supertroopers. I can't wait to be an academic when I grow up!

on Pandora: "Don't You Fall"- The Church

Car nurse

In case this whole PhD thing doesn't work out, I have an excellent future in automotives or differential diagnosis.

Last night, I was trying yet again to muster the energy and enthusiasm to tackle a few performance theory articles, Smokin' Fairy called me. He needed a paper clip. About 20 minutes, a couple paper clips, wire hanger and a sprawl of tool-like junk later, we were performing an ectomy on his sealed headlight. I held the flashlight, various tools while Smokin' Fairy put his mad video-game skills to use fishing out a small reflector. While I did not personally fix the patient, my possession of the right tools helped. And after many cold nights doing "mechanics" with Papa, which involved holding a flashlight absolutely still for long stretches broken up only by runs for more paper towels, I found this experience a bit more productive. If nothing else, because I never understood the need for half a roll of paper towels.

Afterwards, we celebrated our victory over Japanese technology and Chinese New Year while watching Lost/working on grades. I watch Lost with him; he watches Mystery Diagnosis with me, and laughs when I start calling it ahead of time. Sadly, I totally missed the plague diagnosis on House tonight, because the sleeplessness totally threw me off.

on iTunes: "1-2-3-4" - Feist

Disparity

Having done the whole "applying to schools" thing as many times as I have, certain patterns have developed. After busting ass in December, you get to relax and not worry too much in January. Not so this year, since UCSB contacted me so early. Thick envelopes are acceptances; thin envelopes are rejections. Except I got a thin acceptance from Wisconsin today. And after getting as many rejection letters as I have, getting acceptance letters at all is out of the ordinary.

And getting all of your blood work back normal or negative is supposed to be a good thing. Only for me, it's just more frustrating. Oh well. Coffee is on sale. And it's an excuse to eat cheeseburgers.

on Pandora: "Fireworks" - The Whitest Boy Alive

Umbrella

This past couple of days have had some wild weather. Super-windy, lots of raining. Oh, and it's like 60F outside. But as a former resident of Chicago, I know how to handle an umbrella in the rain, and to appreciate any warm where I get it. But hiking up the hill this morning, I was bummin' that I didn't still have my sunflower umbrella. When I moved to Chicago, I stored the sunflower in favor of something more compact and sidewalk-friendly. So I wore my hat to mitigate the grumpy. Because I am locked in battle with the Sandman. And the fact that I had my annoying film class only made the grumpy worse. But it's ok, because I have tomorrow off, and Project Runway is on.

Cheeseburgers and tsetse flies

My body is officially pissing me off. Enough that I was willing to sit in the Health Center for a couple of hours, surrounded by a bunch of kids with da sniffoos, who all had to call home about it. (Seriously, it was a 1hr wait for TRIAGE!) Now that I have given blood (like 5 vials), I am combating possible anemia with a bloody cheeseburger.

So it seems like since Wednesday, I have become sidelined by the sleepy. For the past while, I have been dealing with fatigue, which I have been managing with coffee, naps and yoga. But suddenly it has become an actual issue. Things are not getting done because I am too tired to move too far from the couch. And I don't have the attention or focus to do any reading, which is a bummer since I have lots of reading (theory) to do. As a grad student, it's pretty much my job. And requiring a 90 minute nap after wimping out after a 45 minute low-impact yoga class. It's bullshit!

Since there are no tsetse flies in Ohio, it's still unknown why me and my bed have become such good friends. But I finally caught the attention of a doctor who was willing to order up a bunch of tests and has a diagnostic plan in place. We'll see if she finds anything interesting. Meanwhile, I make another pot of coffee and fight through some Elaine Scarry.

Tango events

Friday and Saturday provided me with events to inspire me to do more work on my thesis. Shame I have been positively narcoleptic since Wednesday night.

The music department regularly offers concerts with the Symphony. This year there has been a series called "Con Ojos Americanos". And on Friday, the featured piece was Astor Piazzolla's Four Seasons. The concert started with Mozart, which at first annoyed me until I realised what a nice contrast it was to the Argentine. The Four Seasons was excellent, a little tweaky since their seasons are reversed. It was distinctly Argentine, despite the lack of bandoneon or percussion.

Last night, the theatre history department (all 3 of us) got together to eat pizza, drink Malbec and watch tango. It was marvelous! We sipped wine and chatted all over the place. I felt exceptionally cool as I realised how much I actually know about tango, and watching other people watch it.

Now I eat brownies and try to get inspired to do more work.

Bacon-wrapped Fridays

Theme this week: Wrapped in bacon. Because if it's bacon, it's good. I made my chicken, which was a big hit. After S. carved it and turned the drippings into gravy, like magic. It ended up more like dip, since we are classy like that. Watched Smokin' Fairy lick the cheesy-bacon dip spoon. E. brought bacon-wrapped everything, shrimp, lil smokies, hot dogs filled with cheese and onions, etc. Mmmmmm. I was just disappointed that I had to leave as they were starting Clue.

Had to give the other MA crap for being lame and not coming out to play, especially since she promised to make my chicken a bacon jumper. Which is a brilliant mental image, and somehow much less freaky than the provisional acceptance letter I got from UCSB. Now I am chillin' at home, having seen the episode of What Not to Wear that my mom was convinced was my doppelganger. In my defense, she buys alot of my "offending" clothes, and my clothes (regardless of source) fit me.

Thursday is the new Saturday

Because of my wacky schedule, I have a super-booked Wednesday and nothing on Thursdays. Originally, this was supposed to allow me a whole day for research, reading and writing. What it has devolved into is trashy TV with Smokin' Fairy and little else. And while part of me feels bad for not doing work, the rest of me feels just fine since I have busted ass all week, including the weekend.

Last night after another craptacular film class, I was totally wiped. Usually, I watch a little mindlessness to make up for the arty awfulness to which I was just subjected (and I usually LIKE art films). But last night was really bad. Afterwards, I couldn't even get off the couch. Too tired to read. Too tired to focus on another "film". So I ended up curled up in the penguin blanket watching Grey's Anatomy before dragging myself to bed. And today, I woke up late and tired and generally unmotivated. About the most productive thing I did was yoga and some pancake making.

The rest of the night is not looking any more promising. Oh well.

on Pandora: "Girl Sailor" - The Shins

Chicken puppet

That was possibly the funniest thing I have done all week. Although Guy Smiley's reading of Beatrice was a couple different flavors of special.

I just had my hand up a chicken. And it took everything I had not to turn it into my own personal poultry puppet show. Mostly because there would be no way for me to take pictures. Whole chicken is on sale, which goes well, since I have a few packs of mom's Sticky Chicken mix in my cabinet. So I figured I would try my hand at this. Heh. So I pulled out innards (eww!), discovered that the chicken has two holes, as opposed to just shoving an onion up one. (It's like watching the Domestic God put a chicken on his roaster, which is a combination of obscene and hilarious. That chicken will never walk the same way again.

I don't know if I am cooking this tomorrow for people before Lost or just bring it to Fives. Since apparently I have a big chicken. Lesson 1. If I am going to do this again, I will put the plastic marinating bag in the sink first to catch the chicken and spices. Lesson 2. Make sure someone else is home to take pictures of the puppet show. Maybe I should get two....

on iTunes: "Turn Me Up" - Ben Benassi

Vampire hours

Since my cold last weekend, I have been back on vampire hours. At first I thought it was the sudafed getting out of my system, or just my schedule working itself out. Apparently, my schedule has worked itself out, but it has decided against "normal business hours", opting instead for vampire hours. Whereas I used to head to bed around 1 and get up at 8.30, I am now wide-awake and impressively productive till at least 3AM, if not later. And given the chance, I sleep till noon, and maybe take a little nap around twilight. When I have to be at a 9AM class, I usually come home and take a nap till noon. Getting back from class at 3 or 6 or 10, I still feel like I have plenty of time to get stuff done. Maybe this is my body's way of laughing at long winter nights and SAD.

It's amazing how much better I feel when I keep the vampire hours. I can live on less sleep, feel more focused, and generally just a happier camper. Last night, I finished the Merleau-Ponty, read all of Servant of Two Masters, and did some writing and 2AM yoga. Now I just need to find a way to maintain this!

Brain storm

In the middle of a murky wade through Merleau-Ponty, I was overwhelmed by a brainstorm. I barely got a bookmark on the page before furiously writing ideas for my thesis and possible conference presentation. It was so cool!

Because dance scholarship is fairly new to academia, methodologies have not been established in the same way the scientific method or argument-based essay has been. How do you textually describe movement? Or even worse, how do you describe the emotional/psychological/visceral experiences movement produces?

So in terms of a conference presentation, I would definitely rely on the visual - using 2 volunteers to explore the "sexiness" of relative position (standing together vs. standing apart, etc). In both a presentation and my thesis, I want to have some sort of compilation of examples of tango in pop culture = movies. And the first example is The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which is a silent movie from 1921, starring Rudolph Valentino. And it is nearly impossible to find. But I found a distributor that not only has it, but has it for cheap and with free shipping! Ah retail research.

on iTunes: "Failure" - Ian Ball

PhD freak-out

It's taken almost 2 days to process it, and even get excited about it.

I got an email from UCSB, saying that the committee had met, and they REALLY liked my application. They want to find a date for me to come out there. And they threw out the word "fellowship."

Holy crap!

I was flabbergasted. Partly because I got the email after Martini Night. Partly because it's only January. Partly because I know they are still missing one of the letters. And partly because the whole grad process has always been so dicey that good news never comes so soon. Basically, I know my work, and while it's good, I never really thought of myself as all that.

Spent most of yesterday in a Billy Elliot state of shock. The idea of actually doing PhD in a real way, couple with the idea of doing it across the country is kinda wild. Sitting in the IART seminar, I kinda lost the train of logic. Lots of big, meaningless words. Yesterday, I rocked theory, actually sort of understanding and parsing phenomenology. Ironically, it was the coldest morning so far, as I climbed up the hill in 2F. And scraping ice off the car made the idea of living at the beach sound better and better.

I am not 100% sold on UCSB (or them on me). I still have applications out at Wisconsin and Oregon. Still might apply to Ohio.

Portable Happy Place

Although I have learned bits and pieces of this over time, this week it all congealed to make my portable happy place. New hat + iPod (on Zero7 playlist) = portable happy place. It is so delightfully isolating. It cuts off some of the overstimulation (yes, I am a 2 year old like that). I can close my eyes and just do my yoga breathing, listening to my music, getting a moment of peace to myself. Did this on Wednesday in the Baker. Back row just chillin'.

Part of why I like my iPod is that it is a visible signal to other people that I am separate and don't want to be disturbed. This was extra helpful on the CTA when, after a day at work, I really didn't feeling like dealing with some chatty tourist. Also, there is something about wearing a hood that makes me feel safer. Like the amazing deep hood on my big sweater that Cheese Fiend made me. I remember diving into that, pulling up the hood, putting on the headphones and kicking back for one of the most peaceful flights (all 10 hours of it). I'm sure the benadryl didn't hurt, but it's the hood I remember.

on iTunes: "Nikita" - Ralph Myerz and the Jack Herren Band

Chicken calendar

As I was leaving for yoga today, the UPS man knocked on my door. I dropped my mat, and hustled on over. He had two boxes from Barnes & Noble, one book size box and one big size box. The only person who would send something from Barnes & Noble is the Cheese Fiend! My birthday/Christmas presents had arrived! I told myself that I could open them when I got home, but I just couldn't wait. A box of that size had just too much potential.

I ripped off the tape faster than a band-aid, pulled out all the inflato-stuffing and found one item at the bottom. It was a Chicken calendar. Pulled out the invoice which didn't have the Cheese Fiend's name on it, but it did have her address, the price, the order date and the fact that she had in fact deliberately ordered me a Chicken calendar. WTF?

I hate to sound ungrateful, but really? A chicken calendar? Because nothing says generic, afterthought, "I really couldn't care less" than a discount calendar with something random, ordered almost a week after my birthday. I could forgive the discountness, the calendar and even the lateness. But I am just befuddled by the chickens. I mean, Cheese Fiend and I had lived and traveled together, joking about many animals, but chickens were never one of them. There weren't ANY other subjects that might be even remotely my taste?

Another kicker - the other package wasn't even for me. Misaddressed.

Went to yoga, which was nice. Then I had a good sulk through the snow to pick up the laundry I accidentally abandoned in a machine on Monday (of course it would be my favorite pants, my favorite towel and my W&M sweatshirt). The squeaking of the snow worked nicely with the sulk, but it just wasn't sufficient. I mean, Cheese Fiend managed to make/find gift for all the rest of her friends BEFORE Christmas. She was on a hat making kick, and I had told her I wanted a hat.

To top off an already severely crappy mood, I get an email from one of my grad schools saying that they can't process my application (due in early January) until a third letter is received. From the same person who hasn't submitted my letter to the other school either (I checked). I emailed my recommender a couple weeks ago as a friendly reminder, but right now, I am alotta screwed, since I have a 3rd app out there, and a 4th on the way.

Oh well. I just sit and try to remember the glowing things my absurdism professor said about me, and be glad it's Martini Night. So I can drink girly drinks with people who actually seem to give a shit about me.

on Pandora: "Over Our Heads" - Zero 7

Film snobs get on my nerves

Experimental and Silent Film was a serious misnomer. And I clearly didn't learn my lesson from last quarter, but film classes just seem to get on my nerves. I transfered out of Transnational Gaze, because the only thing we were gazing at was Thai films. And while Chang was interesting, the scope of the class seemed rather limited and not useful to me.

So I transfered into Film History 3 with all the other theatre kids. There is alot more incentive to go to class when there are 5 other people to give you crap for missing. On the flip side, there are more people to fill you in on what you missed. I think we should start going in shifts, because so far, this is just a waste of time. The professor decided he wanted to look at New German Cinema and other films from the 60s and 70s. Meh. Like I get it, the Germans had post-War angst. Last week we were subjected to Marianne and Juliane, which was possibly the single most annoying movie I have ever seen, even more than A.I.! It's a movie about a doormat.

Today we got to discuss the most annoying movie and watch more German Angst. There was a scene with a "doctor" holding a newborn by the hands. It just made me cring because he wasn't supporting the baby's head. That was before walking over to a guest lecturer who has done Hollywood editing. Who pretty much just showed us a really poorly produced interview with the Academy Award Nominated editors from last year. Part of it was kinda interesting, but not enough to hold my fascination for 2 hours. Because really, when it all comes down, I really don't care.

Perhaps I would be more inspired to care if film people weren't such snots towards theatre people, who they consider beneath them and totally irrelevant to film. It's frustrating, because I appreciate film and the fact that it is a separate art form. But I also appreciate that theatre lead to film, and that I feel that all the arts are interconnected. I love talking to other artists, dancers, sculptors whatnot. But somehow, film people just get on my nerves.

As an antidote to the "high art" films, I am watching Project Runway.

Ear-flap hat

After coveting one for months, I finally broke down and bought one. Met up with Woolly Willy to get a second opinion on my chapeau shopping at the Gallery. Really, he was more entertaining than the hats themselves, because a) he tried on everything and b) he has a large head. I briefly toyed with one of the giant fur hats, but I just couldn't go hipster. (Seriously, it was a look in Wicker Park, along with skinny jeans, cloves and a general air of disaffectation.) Ended up with a knit hat with a fleece lining and a dangly tassel, which I suspect will cause me many problems.

Today, I pretty much spent all day in it. I don't know what it is about the hat. It certainly doesn't make me look very adult or professional (neither do the glittens). Maybe it just conveys my general fashion apathy or irony. Or the fact that it both keeps my ears warm and hides the Snape hair. I had pretty much committed to wearing it to yoga, but I was prevented by a phone call to pick up sourcebooks from the Ridges for Drive's first rehearsal.

I did take it off for rehearsal, mostly because the Socks room was pretty toasty. And because it gave me a better view of the expressions on actors faces as I passed out a spiral-bound books of about 100 pages of research. Ah.

Will post a picture as soon as I get someone to snap it.

on Pandora: "Simplesmente (Tom Middleton remix)" - Bebel Gilberto

Ohio Vampires

It was such a brilliant plan. I did my homework, scoped out the scene, even recruited buddies. But apparently Ohio is not as desperate for my blood products as Virginia was. I mean, I was STALKED by Virginia Blood Services after donating ONCE. Like, I had to tell them to stop calling me. They called me even before the 56 days before I could donate again. Grr. And now, Athens has a place where they will actually give me MONEY for my blood products. But after jumping through flaming hoops and eating like 3 packets of oatmeal to get my hematocrit high enough, they won't take me until I have been on my prescription for a month! GRR!!

Oh well. It freed up my Monday to do $15 worth of laundry, which remains in piles on the bed I am clearly NOT sleeping on tonight. And it frees up my Thursdays for more trashy TV, which is good, since Smokin' Fairy just procured Greys 3 for me.

on iTunes: "Heart of Glass" - Puppini Sisters

Surfing the Productivity Wave

I don't know if it's the cold weather or the sudafed, but I have been inspired to bust some butt and do work. It's weird, but I have decided to ride it out.

Friday afternoon, I took a nap, woke up, took some decongestant and ended up burning through a whole book for my dramaturgy. I didn't even realize that I had missed Fives. Oh well. I can always hang out for a couple of hours till Madness. But around Madness-time, I had a head full of gunk again. I was pretty much only functional in 4-6 hour intervals. Suddenly, it was 6AM, I had gotten a pile of work done and eaten my way through a cherry pie, and realised I had watched a bunch of DVDs in the background.

The productivity went well with my odd anti-social mood. Stay in. Read The Rover. Go to the library on a Saturday night. Actually understand Foucault. (Believe me, I was in a state of shock myself.)

But a text message from one of the "cool kid" designers, and I inhaled my pancakes and headed out to the Gypsy-Pirate party. Which involved some festive punch, bandannas and Gogol Bordello. Even the cat was blinged out in gypsy beads, fighting off the foam sword.

Now I am working on more Foucault and Drive prep. And it's a long weekend!

Pantless CTA

I only wish I had been in town for this one, because I frequently ride the red line. And if I thought I could keep a straight face would totally join in.

"O Brother Where Art Trou?" - Chicago Tribune

My poor plant

After 4 months together, I think Norman and I are parting ways. Unfortunately, I think Norman has succumbed to that post-holiday depression. That one week over Christmas/New Years was just too much for one little guy, all alone, with no little plant friends with Chinese food and the Grinch DVD to amuse him. Now he is all wilted and yellow. Besides watering him, I have tried moving him around, added a touch of caffeine (apparently it perks plants too), and talked to it, in the psycho-therapy approach to treatment.

I know it's a little early, but I am thinking about my next plant. I know it'll just be a rebound plant, but I need that little green guy to sit on my windowsill against the red wall. Then again, I have also put myself on the list to foster cats. Which might not be as conducive to plants.

R. recommended a bonsai, which are alot harder to kill, because they are woody. Cacti are also indestructible, but they are so aloof and prickly. Then again, because I keep moving, I don't know if I'm ready for a long-term relationship.

Bad minion

It sounded pretty cool that I would get a minion of my own, to work on How I Learned to Drive. I was so wrong.

The girl is a junior, who should be old enough to understand deadlines, meetings and such. If we schedule a meeting, you have to show up. Prepared. With your information in hand. I saw her idea of sourcebook, which is littered with unanswered questions and comments that are outside the purview of dramaturge. Music choices are made by the sound designer. Some of these things are actor decisions. I feel like I have to cross out half of her stuff because it isn't dramaturgical. It's really frustrating that only now, the weekend before the first rehearsal, that it becomes so clear that she just can't cut it, so I will have to do this one on the fly. And the fact that she is annoying as hell really doesn't help.

Usually I really like working one on one with people, but this girl is a real challenge, since she lacks talent AND focus. She has had 8 weeks to work on this, now is not the time for screwing around.

Meal plan

In a vain attempt at eating better, and finding better access to salad, I got a meal plan. Not the every-meal-of-every-day plan or anything, but a block 20. Today was my first foray into a dining hall. And it is weird. And carpeted.

At OU, all of the dining halls are located in dorms. It seems to be on the first floor, with dorm access off to the side. Reminiscent of the house system, but alien to me. I am surrounded by weird 70s decor and undergrads. And instead of making me feel like an undergrad again, I just feel conspicuous. It's like being the awkward kid all over again. Like I don't know where the silverware is, not sure what the traffic patterns are.

But I had a salad and they have my pumpkin cappuccino here. It means I don't spend cash; I do eat vegetables; I get internet; and, best of all, I don't have to hike up the damn hill.

Next I head to my PhD level class, after dealing with my teaching responsibilities over lunch. Oh the irony.

A very good birthday

Until I get more writing oriented, here are some pictures.

Throughout the day, my phone beeped with happy messages. My facebook wall was covered in birthday comments. I got to talk to a bunch of people. It snowed. Got stuck in rehearsal, but there was party afterwards. Smokin' Fairy gave me crap about the 30-vortex, the Chicago designer ordered shots. And the other MA and I stayed up till 4 eating pancakes and watching Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. So much fun!

I haven't had that kind of birthday in a long time. In college, my birthday always fell before the start of classes. My Charlottesville birthdays were always very nice, but not crazy and photogenic. I'm back in school, with a crazy posse, and bars within walking distance.

Soft Power Yoga

In an attempt to incorporate physical activity and structure into my life, I decided to try a yoga class today. I have been curious about "Soft Power Yoga" for a while, and today, I finally made it out the door.

It's been a while since I did yoga, which I only ever did sparingly. It was a warm-up in my audition class, which gave me a new appreciation for AM yoga. Learned some doing Bakkhai, took the occasional 206 class. Because I am a dancer, I don't look totally silly doing it, and I have a certain confidence and comfort-level with my body.

The class was impressively well-populated. The entire studio was filled! I liked the pace, since I don't know all the posture names yet. The instructor offered ways to make the postures easier or more difficult. And it really warmed me up by getting blood moving. Elevated the heart rate a little, but without feeling stressful. The lying down pose - Savasana (which I am a pro at) gave me a whole new awareness of my toes, which was kinda cool.

Results: This is a keeper. I feel very relaxed, but not tired. More focused, and best of all, my hips feel positively chewy. Not loose or malleable, but chewy, since they have alot of play, but you can still feel the pull of sinews. And the idea of chewy makes me think caramel, which has its own sense of luxurious.

Now I want to bust out all of the chill-out music I used to listen to. But sadly, I can't find my Dido, which after so many moves must have gotten lost in the shuffle.

on iTunes: "Breathe 2000" - Afterlife

the Grad Difference

Having sit through another marathon bullshit session, I have become even more aware of the difference between grads and undergrads.

It takes nearly 5 hours to get through 25 pages, because everyone is so eager to put in their two cents and expound on minutia. What I find most frustrating is the fact that most of this should be covered in smaller rehearsals rather than with the full cast. I think I had like 3 dramaturgical questions lobbed our way. So after 5 hours of this, I was annoyed at losing an entire Saturday (and now Monday) that could have been used much more efficiently. And my butt hurt.

But I noticed that the grads came to the table with more. What they said was more concise and specific and interesting. Hanschen had really sat down and thought about his scene, complete with written notes. And they ask interesting questions.

Personally, I realise that somewhere along the line I magically turned into a grad student. For the past few weeks, I have been really looking forward to the Body class through the IARTs department. It covers all kind of theory and how it applies to perceptions of the body, which will be so helpful to my thesis. That said, I have held a healthy fear of the reading load. Once I got the syllabus, I was pleasantly surprised. Don't get me wrong, it's still alot of work, but not as much as I was expecting. I'm not sure if the workload of an MA grad is just less than undergrad, I have become immune to it, or because I am oddly masochistic.

It was fun hanging with the grads last night at the Gator. It was interesting how the grads and undergrads ended up at separate tables, even though they arrived today. I can't say we talked about anything more sophisticated, but the dynamic was different. And even after a few beverages, we still talk like dorks.

(Woolly Willy and the other MA after Madness)

Also grad - staying in on a Saturday night to do work. It's sad, kinda lame, but very comfortable. Me in jammers, my smoothie or coffee, papers strewn, lots of post-its, my retractable highlighters and a stack of books.